Humorous Speakers - The End Of The World Is At Hand, Maybe!

Well, maybe the end is near...and maybe it ain't. Fact is, nobody really knows. Surely not me. And I don't believe anybody else does either. I don't believe we're supposed to know.

Why, ever since Bible days, folks have been declaring that the last days are at hand. Didn't the Apostle Paul believe that he was living in the last days?

Seems like every time there's a major event somewhere in the world, fanatical folks start bellowing and squawking about he end of the world. They say it's prophecy. It's in The Bible.

You just let a volcano erupt some place and start spewing fire and brimstone...or a new comet appear off in the distant sky...and see what happens. It brings out the nut cases like buzzards to a road kill. Yes sir.

Now, I don't mean to cast doubt on what The Scriptures say. Not me. No sir. Who am I to go challenging stuff that was written thousands of years ago? After all, I weren't around in those days. If I was, I don't remember it.

I just try to keep my nose clean and worry about what's going on in my own life today. I get down on m knees and pray every morning for the Good Lord to help me make it through another one. I ask for His help. And I ask Him to put me in touch with somebody I can help. I try to leave my mark, in a positive way, on everybody I come in contact with.

I try not to complain, whine, bellyache, moan, groan, or sing the blues. I do my best to maintain a positive mental attitude at all times. I try to be honest in everything I do. I try to treat folks the way I want to be treated. I don't blame other folks for my own problems or setbacks.

I try to always give more than what I'm paid for. I thank folks for a job well done. I don't look to get something for nothing. I don't mind paying a fair price for the goods and services I receive.

I try to never lie, cheat or sass old folks (unless it's absolutely necessary).

What I'm trying to say is this: We really should live each and every day as if it actually is the last one...even thought it probably ain't!

Get FREE ACCESS to more Milton Crabapple humor at http://www.MiltonCrabapple.com. Book Milton to speak at your next banquet, convention or luncheon!

Get FREE ACCESS to more Milton Crabapple humor at http://www.miltoncrabapple.com/. One of America's funniest humorous speakers. Book Milton to speak at your next banquet, convention or luncheon!

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Just About Everybody In the Entire World Has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I attended a presentation on an emerging new diagnosis: VICARIOUS PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). The speaker discussed her research on this diagnosis being considered for the DSM IV. The DSM stands for The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. The DSM is the "Bible" for determining medical diagnoses for mental illness, and the "IV" is the Roman Numeral for the 4th edition, because the medical establishment requires more than lowly numbers, like 1,2,3,4, etc., for there to be status associated with their work, oops "profession".If the new diagnosis of Vicarious PTSD were to be put into effect, then all doctors, and anyone having anything to do with LISTENING, or even READING, etc., about the trauma of others could be emotionally damaged so much that they, themselves, could be considered having had the experiences VICARIOUSLY and, as a result, they too would qualify for disability, the same as their patient! Naturally, if this new diagnosis is put into effect, there may be an increase in disability claims by the medical profession. So I say in order to "beat them to it" submit claims now!
Even better than to qualify for VICARIOUS PTSD, though, is to become aware that instead of having secondary Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we all, or mostly all, have PRIMARY PTSD because our parents spanked us! This spanking caused us all such trauma terror that we are ALL (or almost all of us) are without responsibility for our future actions and/or conduct! Come to think of it, perhaps the spanking all started with the doctor who spanked us when we were born and it is this that begins our life trauma. Perhaps we all need to file a class action suit against all doctors, or use that as a back-up in case there are zero disability funds left when everyone files for disability, when unemployment finally runs out, and there are zero jobs to be had, zero funds, left and/or we are turned down for loans to attend university, college, etc., and when or if, our credit runs out.
Another alternative might be for us all to attempt to return to our infancy as adults, and "re-do" it, sort of like the movie "Ground-Hog Day". We could in our imaginations go back to that very first spanking incident. We could "re-create it until we "get it right". For instance we could imagine ourselves with infant voices saying, as soon as we are picked up and about to be spanked: "Dr., if you spank me, I will sue you!
B. Todish can be reached at btodish@verizon.net. Consider visiting http://www.powerplayradiorantz.com/, scroll down to "Listen to Barbara Todish here" especially Humanity 102, Humanity 103 for additional information on Vicarious PTSD, etc.
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Workers Of The World, Untie!

Hopefully, The Leftists Will Keep Sparring With Each OtherMaybe the reason a community organizer could rise to the highest office in the land is that, well, the leftist community has always been in great need of organization. The trouble with socialism, as Maggie Thatcher said, is that you eventually run out of other people's money... but the trouble with socialists seems to be that they can't ever agree on which of them is best suited for totalitarian leadership of the Utopia they envision.
"We want to soak the rich!" cries one faction. "No, WE want to soak the rich!" cries the other. "But, we'll give their money to noble causes!" goes Faction One. "Nuh-uh, WE will give their money to much MORE noble causes!" goes Faction Two. "Oh yeah?" goes Faction One, "Well, we'll totally take ALL of the money from the rich, and give it to poor people, who will only have to work part-time in air-conditioned comfort!" "So?" goes Faction Two, "We'll serve breakfast in bed to everyone, nobody'll have to work at all, and those millionaires and billionaires will pay for it!"
Factions Three through Seventy-Four, meanwhile, are having their own squabbles... though some of them are in the rest room at Starbucks and unavailable for comment.
Eventually, they have to solve it by force: see National Socialists versus Communists, Germany, early twentieth century. But before they get out the guns, it's all the sort of good clean fun you see at any Occupy X gathering, Comedy Central writers' session, or university faculty meeting. Who's the most liberal? Who's heart bleeds bluest? Who's got the real secret sauce for "radical transformation" of the U.S., and the world? As long as nobody's busy working, or trying to run a business, or perpetrating other such crazy "Republican" capers, there's plenty of time for this entertaining Battle of the Arm Bands (until somebody puts out an eye).
You'll like this: Recently, some television producers (they're in charge of imprinting leftist themes in your family's minds after supper and all weekend) ran afoul of some Occupiers (they're in charge of shouting those leftist themes on the streets downtown, so nobody can hear on the telephone). Seems they were attempting to shoot a scene in downtown New York - with a permit, and everything - which depicted the Occupiers in a way they (the Occupiers) didn't like. The two factions squabbled, of course, with the end result being the revocation of the producers' permit and cancellation of the episode.
Dang! We'll never know what that show would've been like! But we do know how the "show" turned out in Germany all those years ago. Heh heh heh. Enjoy it, America! Enjoy the current comedy portion of the show! Now, THAT's entertainment.
by Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Michael Hume is a speaker, writer, and consultant specializing in helping people maximize their potential and enjoy inspiring lives. As part of his inspirational leadership mission, he coaches executives and leaders in growing their personal sense of well-being through wealth creation and management, along with personal vitality.
Michael and his wife, Kathryn, divide their time between homes in California and Colorado. They are very proud of their offspring, who grew up to include a homemaker, a rock star, a service talent, and a television expert. Two grandchildren also warm their hearts! Visit Michael's web site at http://michaelhume.net/

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