Here he is (again), the one, the only, Groucho!
After being bored with the "afterlife', Groucho asked for and gets a "special dispensation" to return to earth "life". We become reaquainted with Groucho when he is being interviewed, by Baba Wawa (Gilda Radner's personification of Barbara Walters) about what "cloud life" was like. To the interviewers first question "How are you", Groucho responds: "I hate questions". Cloud "life", he tells Baba Wawa, is very practical. Instead of questions, everyone just speaks with emotional statements about how they feel about things. They only tell their emotions, instead of making judgments and bullying others, or themselves. This is, he tells Baba Wawa, paradise, with zero provocations! It is beyond utopia, or would be, if only there were others in cloud "life" that had a sense a humor, like Groucho. If anyone dares to bully someone else, or themself, in cloud "life", they bully right back by turning around any accusations about doing or saying anything wrong or incorrectly. "Instead of doing "that", "that" did me!" is often heard in cloud "life".
Cloud "life", for Groucho, was very similar to what Groucho required on his 1960's TV show "You Bet Your LIfe". On that show, if any contestant complained about anything, Groucho would ritualistically hold his cigar in his unique way, and say how grateful he was that he could still hear, even if it is just to hear a complaint. Groucho kept thin in the clouds, and still is connected to his cigar. The cigar now functions to keep the clouds puffy. Groucho avoided dieting because he was, and still remains motivated by laughing, instead of eating. When Groucho gained his wings, he lost all of his ego. He had little ego left to begin with in the first place, when he was in earth "life", because Groucho always was interested in making lots of room for his comedy to spread out across his personality, and Groucho wanted all the space that his ego took up in his personality to be filled in with his sense of humor.
Deceased since the 1970's, Groucho tells Baba Wawa that he spends his cloud "life" traipsing around the clouds, always looking to find others in cloud "life" who have a sense of humor. Other cloud "lifers" spend their cloud "life" looking for their sense of humor, and finding it hard to find it in any of the cloud "life" religions, etc., so Groucho is pleased to return among the earth "lifers" to seek out earth "lifers" that still have their sense of humor intact. So far the only earth "lifers" he has found that he can relate to are Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneres. They both, like Groucho, have the courage to face their fears, their emotional vulnerabilities. These two either do all their own comedy writing, and/or risk ad libbing everything. Ellen even dances unscripted and unpracticed, spontaneously!
Joining Groucho and Baba Wawa were Bill and Ellen. They all enjoyed an Italian welcome back dinner and Groucho paid attention to the smallest minutiae. For instance, Groucho was grateful that the grater was full of plentiful parmesan and romano cheese! George Fennemann, who also accompanied Groucho, looked eternally youthful, (also anorexic), and George picked at a few spaghetti strands, and a few grains of cheese and a drop of tomato sauce. George Fennemann let it be known that he wished Groucho would stop smoking and eating simultaneously. Groucho was adamant though, because Groucho felt an ethical responsibility to keep the clouds looking their best.
Groucho also informed the interviewer, that he, Groucho, was the very first to start the trend of doing things simultaneously. Groucho was the founder of the original subliminal comedy movement that involved the complex elements of multitasking. Groucho even asked BabaWawa if she knew that Groucho was the very first comedian to even attempt to get his audiences to laugh so hard that they also cried. Groucho did his "trademark" move with his cigar and said: "Laughing and crying simultaneuosly, now that's real multi-tasking!" He winked at Baba Wawa. All of a sudden a trumpet played and the Angel Gabriel appeared. The "Secret Word" card just floated in air while The Angel Gabriel played his trumpet, while also eating a piece of pizza.. The gold and platinum and titanium embossed card had the secret words "multi-tasking" on it. The print on the card weighed the card down, but the titanium made the card "lighter" than air, so the card with the words "multi-tasking" actually was floating.
The Angel Gabriel "paid" Groucho. Groucho had secretly always wanted to win that secret word himself, and he finally got his eternal, cloud monopoly "money". This prize "money" was limitless comedy "currency". Groucho knew that with this prize "money", he could start the Groucho Marx Flying in Place Comedy University. He could begin to teach others how to find their own lost sense of humor. Then Groucho could begin the process that he had been putting off for so long. Groucho could have some humorous company when he returned to cloud "life", because with the prize cloud "life" currency, Groucho would also provide cloud "life" scholarships, so those who were willing to spend their cloud "life" looking for their lost sense of humor, would now be provided with the newest cloud "life" tech tools. These tech tools would make it easier and quicker for the cloud "life" students to find their lost sense of humor. Thus, Groucho reasoned, he would be able to remain in cloud "life" instead of requesting more visits back to pre-post life.
There were so few humorous people TO visit back on earth anyway, and Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneres were swamped with requests, and they could only spend a small amount of time with Groucho! After eating and smoking, and flying, of course, at the same time, Groucho commented that he could see that Jay Leno had the right idea, especially about eating while standing up, because Jay was kind of multi-tasking, because by standing while eating, Jay Leno was assisting in his own digestion of his food. Groucho remarked to Baba Wawa that, pretty soon, Jay Leno would be doing more things simultaneously, too. Groucho took the credIt and said that he, Groucho, had planted subliminal seeds for the few authentic multi-taskers, like Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneris. Jay Leno was almost there, as was Ralph Nader and even Jessie Ventura!
Groucho felt he had to mention to Baba Wawa that handsome George Fennemann was as anorexic as ever, and Groucho wanted George to try, for once, to just enjoy his food instead of just enjoying his looks. Groucho was almost ready now to return to clould "life", because Groucho has been looking forward to his newest cloud "life"mission: Groucho explained to Baba Wawa, that he wanted to get started with his Groucho Marx Flying in Place Comedy University. The Comedy University students would learn to find their sense of humor, and, when they "graduated", namely when they found their sense of humor, they could play eternally! Groucho made a note to himself to recruit Dudley Moore for his first class of GM Flying In Place Comedy University's cloud "life" students, because Dudley Moore had a head start in finding his sense of humor when he acted, and did such a good job, in the original "Arthur-The Movie" with Liza Minnelli, when he was in earth "life". Groucho just felt, intuitively and instinctively, that Dudley Moore would make a great mentor for other GM Flying In Place Comedy University students.
Handsome George Fennemann was, of course, Groucho's "wing man" when both were on Earth "life". George's handsome features would have an appearance overflow effect, and he made Groucho look better than Groucho actually was. In addition to chiding Groucho about Groucho's incessant cigar smoking, George reminded Groucho about Groucho having to pay extra insurance on the set of "You Bet Your Life" because of those big cigars Groucho smoked. (I secretly hoped Baba Wawa would become a real investigative reporter for a change and dig into the possibility that there might have been corruption on "You Bet Your Life: namely that she might be curious to know whether Groucho ever gave undetectable hints to the contestats about the secret word.)
On his show, Groucho listened intensely to his contestant-guests for the slightest defensiveness in his guest's tone of voice. Groucho, finding even a fraction of an iota of defensiveness, would "be off to the races" with his ad libbing! All people, but especially "You Bet Your Life" contestants, had to be "on their toes", and everyone back then knew to avoid complaining and being ungrateful around Groucho. Instead of bullying his guests, though, for "ratings", Groucho always got great Nielsen ratings because he cared about pleasing his number one fan! His most important "audience" was himself! Laugh for yourself he would imply: "You are your most important audience"!
"Today...", Groucho said to Baba Wawa, "I take the expansion of the pool of possibilities for marriage candidates as a plus, because even though I am a celebrity, when it comes right down to it, I need as many marriage possibilities as I can get, what with my limitations, (not withstanding the song I recorded: "You Can Learn a Lot from Lydia") With my smoking, and being in cloud "life", it's hard to satisfy anyone with just my long distance subliminal comedy! I'd be willing to try all marriage variations. If I were to come back to earth "life" re-vivified, reincarnated, I would marry a guy, then divorce him, and marry a woman, then, divorce her, then I could get sex change surgery and start all over again as Gracie Marx! I might even want to marry myself, because after a sex change who knows what might happen, I might have all the equipment I need"! With that Baba Wawa had her "scoop". Visions of the headlines were running through her head: "Groucho, Still Funny After All These Years, But Selfish, Too!"
Before Groucho returned to cloud "life", he mentioned that, if he were to make a comeback, he would publicize the fact that "You Bet Your Life" was THE original Reality TV show. Groucho noted that PETA probably would find fault with his use of the bird delivering the secret word, even though it was a mechanical prop instead of a live bird., and/or the bird union would start a class action suit or something, unless Groucho joined 'The Birders". He thought he might replace the bird with the Angel Gabriel but that might upset some of the religious unions in cloud "life", and it might also upset some agnostics and atheists that were earth "lifers". Groucho thought about extending his visit "visa" on earth "life", to make a run at becoming President of the United States, and he even visualized himself reforming politics through humor. Groucho thought he even might stand a chance, (due to the good will still existing for him), if he ran a write-in campaign, but he decided to return to his GM Flying In Place Comedy University goal.
As he was leaving to return back to cloud "life", Groucho said he would plant a final subliminal seed in the mind of Baba Wawa. He wanted to influence her to write about his idea for a write in US Presential campaign for 2012. He hoped that voters would all, through Neural Linguistic Programming, or NLP, get a spontaneous idea to write themselves in for President of the US for 2012. Groucho surmised that write-in votes for Mickey Mouse as a candidate for President of the US resulted in other successful write-in campaigns. There was even a hopeful sign of a trend, when Bill Maher, without any announced, organized, write-in campaign, was "recruited", because he got many write in votes to be governor of NJ in 2008!
Perhaps there is still a possibility that these earth "lifers", Groucho mused, might wind up governing themselves! Stranger things have happened, like when Jessie Ventura shocked the country and the world, by showing that an Independent Party candidate, with only a relatively small amount of money, COULD become a Governor! "Maybe", Groucho continued thinking to himself, "I really did subliminally plant the seeds for others to want to tell the truth by using humor, when I was alive! I really hope that there are more than just the few comedians like Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneris who can find their absolute sense of humor by losing their ego! These two and maybe even more can be able to forget who they are, long enough to remember what a real sense of humor is! Bill and Ellen also know that a real sense of humor is worth more than all that PC nonsense of "belonging" and/or "connecting", "uniting" together as a typical nuclear family, or country, or any group, for that matter". Groucho and Bill Maher and Ellen Degeneres and a few other comics and or writers that write on the internet knew that you need to value your unique sense of humor absolutely, more than you value money, fame and/or power.
Maybe Groucho would agree that things are becoming too absurd today, when even corporations are legally considered persons! Now perhaps even corporations can get "married" and save on legal fees for M & A (mergers and aquisitions)! Groucho might say that are too few people, whether human beings or corporations that "know" anything much today, what with all the disinformation. Groucho always showed us how to avoid taking ourselves and our personalities too seriously. He taught us with his subtle humor to rely on our intuitions and instincts to laugh and his humor poked fun at family, country, gender, or any goup identity. Groucho was an equal opportunity insulter, he insulted everryone and anyone who took themselves of their group identity, their group stereotype, etc., too seriously. Groucho made us aware, or tried to, and was somewhat successful at making us aware that there are too few people that know and treasure their VALIDITY of knowing that when we settle for the status quo of conventional tradition, we wind up being in a puzzle that is always missing at least one important piece. That one piece is our own unique, essence, our absolutely funny sense of humor. Our comical part of our personalities too often gets bullied out of us when we unite together too seriously as a family, country, ethnicity, religion, gender race or any identity, or group. Groucho taught us through his mostly improvisational, spontaneous, ad libbing comedy that all social and cultural constructs need to be viewed through 3D type "glasses" of HUMOR! Otherwise we are all missing out on laughing about how seriously we take ourslves!
Groucho made his "last" stop (he flew direct instead of non stop) before returning to his cloud "life" by fluttering in a blimp-like hovering manuever over where he was buried. He detected his unobtrusively marked grave. Few, if any knew where Groucho was really buried! (Due to a very trustworthy publicist, that rarest of all rarities, almost everyone believed Groucho was buried in Hollywood.) His grave is under Alabama elephant tusks because in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa.
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