Is Johnny Depp Like Nelson Mandela?

Twenty-four-year-old Johnny Depp thought that his starring role in the 1987 TV series 21 Jump Street would not last a whole season. After a few weeks of playing a young-looking cop who goes undercover at high schools to catch drug dealers, the Kentucky-born actor began to feel that the spying he performed in each episode was immoral. Worse yet, Jump Street was a breakout hit, and Depp's busy schedule kept him from accepting movie offers. The resentful teen idol tried to provoke his bosses into terminating him. His onset antics included lighting his underwear on fire, constantly changing dialogue and suggesting wild plot lines, such as having his character cover his entire nude body with peanut butter. The program's creators realized that their leading man was the main reason viewers tuned in and held him to his contract. Johnny did a professional job and appreciated Jump Street for making him a household name, but compared his being able to leave the show in 1990 to the freeing of imprisoned South African leader Nelson Mandela.
After years of playing dingbat society types, Natalie Schafer (1900- 1991) was perfectly cast as the spoiled but kind-hearted Lovey Howell on the Gilligan's Island pilot in 1963. For the veteran actress, it was all about getting a quick paycheck, plus a free vacation to Hawaii. The script about seven castaways, without a single luxury, was so stupid; there was no way that the network would pick it up. With this kind of material floating around Hollywood, she couldn't wait to move back to New York. The Red Bank, New Jersey, native did a professional job, and then quickly forgot about being marooned. A few weeks later, Schafer was vacationing in Puerto Vallarta with some friends when she received a phone call. "What! Oh my God, no!" Her companions, assuming that it was bad news about her ailing mother, ran to comfort her. To their surprise, Natalie's tears were caused by CBS' decision to make Gilligan a weekly series, which the actress was now contractually obligated to be on. At that moment, Schafer was crushed to have the new, wellpaying employment that would make her famous.
James Garner became a popular TV star because of the Warner Bros. western Maverick (1957-1962). But to the Oklahoma born actor and Korean War veteran, the show was often purgatory. The studio refused him permission to earn extra money on weekends making personal appearances, and turned down his requests for a raise. He finally got out of the show through a breech of contract suit, and stated bitterly "If you have any pride in your work you don't go into TV." When he returned to TV after 11 years of films to The Rockford Files (1974-1980) he again quickly became unhappy with working conditions and staged a successful sit down strike in his dressing room to get what he wanted.
Sometimes a seeming big break can turn into a nightmare. Stage actress Vivian Vance was thrilled to get the role of Ethel on I Love Lucy (1951-1957). Vance, who was a good-looking woman, even acceded to Lucille Ball's demand that she be twenty pounds overweight. Each summer she would get an irritating phone call from Ball," Viv, we start shooting in a couple of weeks, start eating." But playing a frumpy, second banana weighed on her. One day sitting in her make-up chair she complained for all to hear," Can you believe they have me married to that old coot, William Frawley? He should be playing my father. Every morning when I get my script I say please God, don't let me have any kissing scenes with the old coot." During her diatribe the old coot was standing right behind her, which started a long and famous feud. Later when Desi Arnaz proposed creating a spin-off show called The Mertzes, which could of made them both rich, Frawley jumped at it, but Vance killed the idea stating, "Six years is long enough to be married to the old coot."
Not everyone is unhappy in television. Comic actor Don Adams faced a difficult financial choice when he played the bumbling Maxwell Smart in the 1965 television series Get Smart. The producers offered him two options: he could take home a healthy paycheck each week or get very little money in exchange for a one-third ownership stake in the show. The ex-Marine swallowed hard and gambled for the long term. Get Smart stayed on the air for five years and was shown constantly in reruns. Viewers repeated Adams' made-up catch phrases like "Would you believe" and "Missed me by that much" often. The now wealthy star, who claimed he hated performing, was able to spend the last years of his life playing cards at the Playboy Mansion and traveling the world with his seven children. When asked how he ended up with such a large brood, the three-times-married Don shrugged, "No big deal. It only took seven minutes."
Author Stephen Schochet is a professional tour guide in Hollywood who years ago began collecting little known, humorous anecdotes to tell to his customers.
His new book Hollywood Stories: Short, Entertaining Anecdotes About the Stars and Legends of the Movies! The book contains a timeless treasure trove of colorful vignettes featuring an amazing all-star cast of icons including John Wayne, Charlie Chaplin, Walt Disney, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Depp, Shirley Temple, Marilyn Monroe, Marlon Brando, Errol Flynn, and many others both past and contemporary. Tim Sika, host of the radio show Celluloid Dreams on KSJS in San Jose has called Stephen, "The best storyteller about Hollywood we have ever heard." Available at Barnes & Noble, Amazon, or wherever books are sold. For more information go to http://www.hollywoodstories.com/.

Source

Read More...

Batmanning - The New Craze Sweeping The Internet

The newest craze sweeping right across America, Batmanning is soon to hit the UK and other parts of the world. Photographs and videos featuring people hanging "bat-like" are the newest craze following on from planking, owling and horsemaning.
Essentially these photographic fads are a game, the aim of which is to take the best picture in the most unusual location. Planking is one of the most popular internet trends of the past few years. As with any game there are rules to be adhered to in planking. Participants must be laid down voluntarily whilst arms should be stretched out alongside the body, palms up and faces pointing down expressionless.
There are hundreds of photos out there of people acting like "planks" and though seemingly pointless are highly amusing. Kicking off in June 2011, planking's fan based facebook page now has more than 700 thousand followers. Unfortunately planking hit its height of popularity after an Australian man fell seven storeys to his death whilst trying to plank on a 5cm balcony railing outside his home. The news spread across the internet like wild fire boosting the reputation of this new game.
Following this began owling, where players are required to hunch their legs whilst perching on their chosen subject and staring like an owl. This led to the next photo mania of horsemaning, nothing taxing again like owling only this time it's a deed for two people. Basically it's a pose in which it appears like one of your heads has come off.
But none of these copy-cat crazes compare to the superiority of batmanning. This requires a person to hang from their subject using just their feet. Finally a photo meme which involves some skill and agility. Michael Keaton or Christian Bale will be so proud.
At first glance these photos could look idiotic, foolish and extremely dangerous. However it is an extremely accomplished talent and makes planking look very tedious and tiresome. Batmanning is set to become an art form within itself and will prove itself as more than just a passing craze, hopefully not losing credibility as planking did when celebrity chef Gordon Ramsey posted a picture of himself as a "plank".
It's hard to tell as yet who started the ball rolling on batmanning, all that is true is that it's sweeping America at the moment and rapidly making its way to a computer screen near you.
To find out more about Batmanning the new craze sweeping the world, visit the Batmanning website today.

Source

Read More...

Coming Up With The Correct Answer To Just One Riddle

If you have never tried to figure out any riddle answers previously, you just don't know what you're missing out on. They can be quite mind-boggling and complex at times, and in other instances they can be quite simple. It is the easy riddles that drive you crazy though. This happens when the answer is so obvious, but you just cannot loosen up your brain enough to figure out the answer.
The more you work on trying to come to understand these brain teasers, the better you will get at cracking their code. If you have never had the pleasure of attempting to figure them out before, there is certainly a method to their madness. What you have to do is, read each and every word in one of them very carefully.
This is not like reading an article or book; it requires a much more intense approach to reading. You have to read each and every word in the riddle, and ask yourself the following question? What was the author trying to accomplish with this riddle, and why did they use that word or phrase?
There is one thing that you can be certain of when it comes to riddles, which is that there never was one that has ever been created, that has wasted words in it. Each word is there for a reason, each word interacts with all the other words in such a way to try and throw you off track of the correct answer.
The very hard riddles are even worse; you can literally sit there for hours struggling to figure out why the person who created it used this word, instead of that one. Then, when you are finally at your breaking point and ready to give up, it hits you at last, and you get the riddles answered. When this happens it's not only a great feeling of relief, it also provides you with the confidence that you require to solve more of them in the future.
After you have been doing it a while, you will be able to answer most easy riddles relatively easily and quickly. But, when it comes to the tricky riddles, they are not so easy, and even the experts that have been doing this for a very long time struggle with them at times.
Someday they will create a contest for people that love to read them and try and figure out a riddle's answer. It might turn out to be a show like Jeopardy, or maybe more along the lines of a spelling bee. Whatever kind of competition that finally gets started, you can be sure that it will attract fans from all over the world that love trying to uncover their answers.
If you have never been to a website before that has a ton of riddles on it to test yourself, you really should check them out. They are a great deal of fun, and who knows, you could turn out to be like 1,000's of other people that spend hours on them every day.
Are the Riddles you're used to solving a little too easy for you? If so, I suggest you check out our newer and harder Riddle List online at iRiddles.org, where they are much harder.

Source

Read More...

In my Belfry baseball

Baseball are the most valuable of the nature of the creature. One of the little brown BAT to eat one of more than 1 000 mosquitoes every night. Imagine how many more of these hot summer nights without defects should baseball day. Small colony of 150 big Brown Baseball to the root directory of more than 33 million check box, the worms by making them each year, farmers in the asset. Baseball is also a wide variety of plants from around the world, such as Barrel Cactus, and the American southwest Cactus Saguaro pollinators. Professional growers depend on baseball, almonds, peaches and bananas pollinate other plants. And is expected to miss the main ' product ': baseball bat shit! The entire ecosystems to succeed in the BAT caves at the bottom of the guano (is such a Crap that it is up to your name), and it is one of the richest in nitrogen counts, all of the fertilizer. Having said that, in all, I want to say also I hate little devils!
I would like to explain. As long as the little Devils outside the residence, they are large. They see I am live, within minutes, they do not have a House,! Was an old two-story house that, regardless of the place of my father, or the entrance of the possible ways to correct the which had had at least BAT or two in the House each year. Of course, the fact that the House was surrounded by the large elm trees from BAT, (before Dutch elm disease killed all of them) made sure were a lot of our neck of woods baseball. We have to sit outside in the summer heat in the beat and see them all go to the bugs and at night. My older brothers would get brooms try and they arrested, but baseball is really good about avoiding the brooms.
This is one of the reasons why they are so difficult to catch when they get in the House. Almost impossible to do while you are while you work. When they roost something is when the nail ', That is, if you are like me and peeing down both legs of the. I admit, I hate them in the House. Scared to death of the House. We're a great man, despite the tell me my father, they were more afraid of me as I was of them (for a total impossibility to add) and regardless of how much of the logic I use myself, I finally decided to enter just my batophobia. All users have something to fear, I suppose.
I got many indicator to tell baseball in-house from childhood. But with the father of my home I knew that most fearless BAT-catcher of the world save me. May remember the hot summer nights tossing and turning trying to sleep in the sweat-dampened tables, when I see on top of the bed of my bat, flitting. I know the common little brown BAT is a small, but when you have fear of death, one of the kid and as a gesture of the head more than they look flits bed so large as the buzzard. I drag my head and cry bloody murder in the table. My father ran out of their "what is wrong with holler?" in the bedroom and holler back "is the b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bat!"
So the father mutter a word or two to get out of bed cuss and grab a pair of pants or blue jeans draped over the foot of my bed of the ECESB. He is in the light of the gangway BAT flies to stand dim that is expected to be. As soon as implementation showed, father knock him pants or shirt, usually on the first try. He throws the shirt or pants over the implementation of reach and grab the following implementation. The damned thing was screeching and by clicking on the sound that sent · chills down my spine. He carried out the implementation of bat regarding na4edta downstairs, go to the outside, put on top of the brick kerbside and killed step. This was the case of BAT-privacy laws in the days before. He then came back upstairs and go to sleep. For me, I lay in bed bug-eyed and sleep a week.
Very embarrassing BAT incidents happened when was a teenager. Grew, the House was no bathtub, but it did not have a shower in the basement. Thermostatic down there, and every moment when the bat should be in the basement. It was usually in the winter. The father told that bats would come from outside the winter-and roost in the basement, the kind of wake up from sleep mode and hot shower. 's rays through For whatever reason, the results of the shower were always the same BAT. The mad, the line up in the basement stairs, sometimes with a towel, sometimes bare naked. I had no choice. BAT wings tale outlines make my feet to move much faster than my brain.
But without a doubt about the Strangest BAT incident, when I was in school, and manufacturing. My parents and little brother went on holiday and stay home with my job, it was.One day was a Knock at the door, was my older brother. Take a very long story, which is short, it seemed he was a little bit of Paper, then I wrecked his car and place of the crash, there is a need for a few days, even though his wife was angry with him over. Suostuin as long as he promised in his p's and q's and stay in the "Paper".
A few days later, came home in the evening, I went to the living room and opened the door and the light and the TV is in progress. As soon as I did, out of the kitchen in the darkness swooped bat. I ran as fast as I could and went to the sister of the House ran out of House. Up my lanko picked and we went back to catch the critter, but she was just scared than I was, so he told me to spend the night with them and we have it in the morning.
When I was in the House to display, memory, all of a sudden my brother. He worked as a second option, and should be home to 11: 00 PM after eleven, was in the quarter., so I assumed I best call him and tell him to our user. He answered the phone and asked him, "you can see our visitor yet?" He did not know what I testasimme, but then heard him cuss and heard the phone hit the wall. So now I have no other option. Then my brother alone in the House with the bat is not a good thing. I had to go home and make sure that the House was still of units of the item.
When you get home I can hear the racket down the street at the top could be taken from. It was a departure from our cottages. Each light was in the House. TV, radio, a stereo, were all running throughout the station. My brother met with me to the door of the old German army-helmet, fish landing net in one hand and the Badminton racket with the other. All the noise was the "mess up BAT radar", the lights were the racket were blind it net and catches and try badminton and helmet had to be regarded as a bat out of his Hair.
We are looking for a House for a moment, not luck. Then my brother found hanging bathroom lamp and one swoop with the landing net Devil caught BAT! He took it outside and put it in the morning under the old washtub. So far, it was gone midnight and we both went to bed.
My father was a wise man a lot of things, and one he gave me a bit of wisdom was that when the bat, which has been in the House to catch, do not give it to go. It finds its way back. My brother helped prove that the validity of the implementation of the sympathy of the time when he was, and let it twinge loose the next morning, in the absence of a few weeks later, it was in the House. At this time the father and mother had to return to the vacation, and the old dead eye father caught in suspicious document, and it must be destroyed. You can now ask, how do I know if I was at the same time, the BAT. Could have been another one, right after you? No thank you. It was the same. That is my story and I'm sticking to it. ..
The following essays and stories of the posts for more information about different subjects: http://essaysstories.blogspot.com/
Source

Read More...

Doomsday Warning Or Temporary Anomoly?

Are all the nasty current events we are seeing and hearing about on the news just a temporary aberration or are we rapidly approaching a serious global problem? When I was young, I read about the hippies starting communes for assorted reasons not the least of which was reacting to the doomsayers warnings of global problems on the way related to the manner in which we treated the environment. The real fear, the one that had normally sane individuals digging holes in their back yards to house the bomb shelter needed to save the family from world war three. It all turned out to be needless worry. The holes in the back yard filled in, weeded over and eventually added to the inanities of the time.
Yet one nagging problem persisted. Constant warnings, warnings I can remember that were directed at water, were ignored. Since water is the most important factor in the formation and continuation of life itself I could not understand why the warnings were treated with such disinterest by those in position to do something positive. It was explained to me that soon the water in the creek behind our house that was drinkable, the fish that were eatable and water that was safe for swimming would be infested with harmful germs that would make us ill.
Now that I am in the realm of senior citizens, the creek no longer exists, all rivers, lakes and ponds for a thousand miles around scream pollution and the oceans are showing signs of the same problems. Water covers three quarters of the planet and a major portion of it is polluted or about to be polluted. One news source points to the problems of clearing rainforests but few listen because another source says we have too many trees anyway. One source says the ocean tides are being altered by underwater eruptions and we are losing an alarming number of animal and insect species as one after another becomes extinct. Another source says the underwater eruptions are normal as the planet stretches. We are expected to believe that just as many species of insects and animals are found each day as those we lose. What are we to believe?
We are told that global warming does not exist as a problem and if it did, it is a normal course of events that will correct itself over time. We're told there is no hole in the Ozone layer that won't repair itself as it has been doing up to now. We don't have to worry about the trees, we can replace forests with replanting programs and other methods.
I can remember hearing about three or four major storms a year. Now the numbers have climbed, the intensity has increased but officially, New Orleans was just natures' toss of the dice. Still, few official agencies will comment on the increased number of Tsunami's that have killed hundreds of thousands, caused undue damage including nearly sinking part of Sri Lanka while another battered Japan, turning their nuclear reactors into melt down mode, poisoning the land and sea for hundreds of miles around. Any one of the foregoing could qualify as a major catastrophe - we don't need that collision with an asteroid story to be true.
What about the political position of the world? The middle east is in a serious uproar, Britain is in riot stage, Norway is experiencing Terrorism and Syria is joining Egypt and Libya into a new form of government, currencies are being devalued and economies are tumbling. The world is in turmoil.
Having noted all the above, I could surmise that the Mayans may have just run out of time (the calendar really was finished.) Nostradamus is completely misinterpreted and all those other dire warnings are just the rumblings of dis-satisfied individuals seeking attention. Then again it might pay to clean up that hole in the back yard if still exists or maybe take a look at that self-sustaining, eatable forest idea and find our own generators - just in case. Can't hurt. Asteroid?
John Morton

Source

Read More...

Humor: Top 10 Things I Want Most

This is an exciting topic. I generally like to think of myself as an idea person, so I choose to address this in terms of things I want most that do not currently exist. Think outside the box, so to speak. Others have called me a dreamer, or a round peg in a square hole, or just shake their heads. That's OK, being different is my mantra.
Here are the Top 10 things I want most (off the top of my head):
1. One of those microwave-type magic meal makers, like in the Jetson's.
It would make life so much easier to walk over to it and say, "Lobster Newburg for 3" and have it pop out in a flash. And then, Creme Brulee for dessert. Not to mention, our menu would then have more than the present 7 choices.
2. A retractable roof above my bathroom and bedroom.
Like my very own superdome. A 'homedome'. Now, on starry summer evenings I can watch for shooting stars to wish upon from the comfort of my own bed. Or from my bathtub, complete with candles, music, a glass of fine wine, and maybe my own special McDreamy.
3. A device that allows me to flawlessly speak and understand any language known to man at the press of a button.
It would be such fun to wander aimlessly around the world and fit in like a native. It would also be interesting to eavesdrop on conversations others feel sure you don't follow-just because.
4. Chocolate that won't melt, until I want it to.
Beyond the M&M, it would be the richest milk chocolate mixed with my favorite flavors which I could take with me anywhere, even in my pocket, to enjoy at my leisure.
5. A debit card that works like my kids think it does.
They seem convinced that just because I have the card with me, it should be able to purchase anything, any time. I remember thinking the same thing as a kid, "Just write a check, Mom". If only it were true.
6. To be able to pause real life.
Ever have those moments, when you look back and wish, "If only I had said/done this?" Well, this would prevent those. Provide the extra time to formulate the perfect action or response to the situation. Or, to take a cat nap without missing anything exciting happening in your life. Or, to brush your teeth before that kiss. The possibilities are endless.
7. To dance on stage with Mikhail Baryshnikov. Or front row seats to a tennis match between John McEnroe and Jimmy Connors, or between Roger Federer and, well, anyone.
I know, both of these things may have been possible- at some time. That is, of course assuming I can dance well enough to share the stage with Baryshnikov (oh well, we are talking about things that don't exist yet).
8. Kids who do their own laundry, and cooking (unless we have a Jetson-wave).
I have actually heard of such kids existing, but never personally met any.
9. Cats who learn how to use the toilet.
The one chore that everyone seems to want to hand off to someone else is cleaning the cats' litter box. I have always lived in households with cats, and love them to death because they are self-sufficient in so many areas. If they would just learn to use the toilet, I'm pretty sure they would be the perfect pet.
10. A camera that automatically takes off 10 years and 20 pounds.
You've heard how the camera adds 10, 20, even 30 pounds (depending on who you ask, and how much less they wish they weighed). Well, this miraculous camera would do just the opposite. Imagine fantastic photos all the time, looking your best, and 10. 20 or 30 pounds lighter (depending on how much less you wish you weighed). I might actually update my family portrait from the 10 year old one on the wall. Oh, to look younger and skinnier. Almost as good as feeling younger and skinnier (that would be number 11).
Well, that's my wish list for today. Tomorrow I may dream up a new one. These will be so yesterday by then.
Tyra LaRocca
Life Coach
Outside the Box Life Coach
Get outside your box and expand your life to fit your dreams!
I'd love your feedback or article suggestions at Tyra@outsidetheboxlifecoach.com
Sign up for my newsletter for more great tools here: http://outsidetheboxlifecoach.com/

Source

Read More...

Are YOU Doing the Laughing or IS The Laughing Doing YOU?

Humor is taken so seriously today! Have you noticed that it is getting to be difficult to even be ALLOWED to laugh today? People will judge you when you laugh, they are the "laughter police"! They will check to see if you laughed in a politically correct way, and if you laughed at a politically correct joke! The "laughter police" have been "deputized" by donuts!
Just try to make a motion now, in public, just try raising an eyebrow, let alone laugh, and you may be subjected to the Botox fine: you will subliminally receive a message to go directly, (do not pass go, and do not collect $200.00) to (Botox) jail, so that instead of being able to raise that eyebrow that may POTENTIALLY HURT someone's feelings, you will be unable to do so! If you so much as DARE to cough, or clear your throat in an elevator, or bus, or even in a car with others, or in a taxicab, you will be subjected to the punishment of a scornful scowl and be treated like the "terrorist" you are!
If you DARE to say ANYTHING AT ALL, even if you mention something unexpected, or unpredicted about the weather, then you are causing the listener of "your" weather report to become UNHINGED and you will be made sorry, because THAT IS A PROVOCATION! For how dare you make someone have to deal with anything but what is masterfully PREDICTED on the news! The media knows all! The media show us how to act, how to dress for the weather.
The media shows and models for us how to only speak about what is predictable! The media knows how IMPORTANT it is that we must all GET what we expect from the news, instead of any shocks! Why, if the news told us anything we don't know already, it might cause us to actually react, thus making us UNCOMFORTABLE, and any shock might make us have to FEEL something! This would never do, because we MUST all remain in our NUMB-NUMB comfort zones, or else we may even show some EXPRESSION and then we will have to get our Botox injections sooner, and that will throw off our scheduling, and the kids' play dates, and soccer practices, and this just cannot happen, because meal plans will have to be switched and all!
Speaking of meals, that reminds me, I used to be a vegetarian. Now when I enjoy a pastrami sandwich from one of the Jewish Delis, (after all IS it pastrami if is from anywhere other than a real Jewish deli?) I cry! I cry because I feel so bad ENJOYING the meat, but I cry also because I know that the meat is getting even with me for demanding meat be supplied. I know, instinctively, intuitively, that while I am eating the meat, the meat may be "eating" me back. Pay back time!

Source

Read More...

It's A Blurb! It's A Blame! It's Super Committee!

It was August, it was hot as heck, and the situation was dire. The president needed his credit limit increased in time for the holidays, or the world would be destroyed! So he took the sort of drastic action only a career politician with vast experience in community organizing could take: he appointed a committee. But not just any committee, no! A Super Committee!
Charged with fixing everything by Thanksgiving, the Super Friends gathered around a table at a top-secret location... cartoon heroes on one side, cartoon villains on the other. Rhino, whose super power is agreeing with his arch-enemies and who therefore sat at the chair in the middle, spoke first. "You're right, Joker," he said. "We have to yank those taxes up nice and high! Especially on those millionaires and billionaires who somehow manage to make $200K!"
"You can't do that," said arch-villain Captain America. "Those are business owners. They're the only hope we have for investment and employment and recovery of the global economy."
Everyone just stared at the Captain, and finally, the Super Demediacrat coalition got up and left the room. "You get that guy?" Two-Face said, rolling his eyes as they huffed out. "Private sector. Sheesh."
Once they all settled in at their new top-secret location, Lex Luther (the super brain behind the coalition) spoke quietly over tented fingers. "This is the deal," he said. "There will be no deal."
After an awed hush, Rhino dared speak. "But Mr. Luther, if we don't make a deal by Thanksgiving, we have to, like, sell the navy!"
Luther just smiled.
"Wait," said the Red Menace, "that's brilliant! We sell the navy to China - they need one - and then we hire a bazillion government workers to build us a new one! Bigger government, the illusion of employment, happy China... all problems solved!"
"But what about the $600 billion that'll come out of entitlementses, Precious?" asked Gollum. "Not gonna happen!" everyone yelled in unison. "If we have to, we'll just sell the air force, too," said The Green Boondoggle. "I bet that'll fetch a pretty penny." "But who can we find who needs a modern, stealthy air force and has that kind of money?" Rhino asked.
Luther just smiled.
"Iran?" suggested Menace. Everyone agreed that Iran, or their friends, could use a modern air force and could afford to buy one. There was much rejoicing.
And that's how the president and his Super Friends saved the day and made the world safe for socialism. Now, drink your soy milk and go back to sleep, little voters. Don't have nightmares about freedom and private prosperity... those monsters were slain three years ago.
Only The Voters Can Save The World Now
by Michael D. Hume, M.S.
Michael Hume is a speaker, writer, and consultant specializing in helping people maximize their potential and enjoy inspiring lives. As part of his inspirational leadership mission, he coaches executives and leaders in growing their personal sense of well-being through wealth creation and management, along with personal vitality.
Michael and his wife, Kathryn, divide their time between homes in California and Colorado. They are very proud of their offspring, who grew up to include a homemaker, a rock star, a service talent, and a television expert. Two grandchildren also warm their hearts! Visit Michael's web site at http://michaelhume.net/

Source

Read More...

Diary of a Country Zombie

Today is a clean, crisp beautiful fall day. The brilliant orange and scarlet leaves are hanging like apples against a singingly blue sky. Along the roadways, bales of hay are bound up and dotting the pastoral green hillsides like giant frosted mini-wheats as a crow sails silently overhead in the tremulous breeze. The scent of cider wafts my way from the press where the farmer and his sons are busy pressing apples they gathered from the ground. In every respect but one, it is a perfect day. The one lousy thing about today is that I haven't eaten anything in weeks.
My last meal was a hapless grocery store clerk who came out the back door of the giant retail food outlet to put the trash into the high-security dumpster. Luckily for me, he neglected to check the premises first, and as he leaned in to wrestle the lock on the boat-sized trash trailer and deposit the day's half-stale bakery items, I nabbed him from behind. I only had to "chase" him for a few feet, since he kept falling and staring up at me with that woebegone sort of admiration my future meals often give. The odd thing is, I don't think he even knew I was a zombie. He kept saying "paper or plastic, paper or plastic." I think I may need to jazz up my attire.
I am a country zombie, and too bad for me, but country zombies don't often get to the city. Sure, we can take relaxing walks around the lake, engage in an evening of fishing, loll about in the sun and count birds and what not, smelling the gently billowing winds and picking flowers, but who thinks that's important when there isn't anything to put into the old gullet? Here I am, marooned in this putrid barnyard like a scarecrow stuck in a field of mud. I can only get to town when The Farm Guy doesn't notice me sliding into the back of his produce truck. If he catches me, its pretty much a no-win situation, cuz he holds up that terrible silver cross thing and tries to make me look at it.
It's not like I don't try. I leave voice mails; I put a signature line on my emails; but none of these things actually help me to secure a place at the table. All I want is to "get a head." Is that so much to ask? I even practice conservation. Only humanoids who stumble when they try to run away are selected for consumption. But the problem is, even when I do get to town, my zombie attire isn't the best. I admit it. As I said, that last guy didn't even know I was a zombie. In between "paper or plastic, paper or plastic," he kept saying "You'll have to go around front, Ma'am." I guess I just don't look zombie-like enough. But it's hard to get blood-stained panty hose and artificial stick-on cuts and wounds when you live ten miles from anywhere without web service. So here I am, sitting here in this ramshackle shed, wishing I were out on the town right now. I should have stopped in at the Zombie Costume Warehouse on my last trip to town and accessorized or gotten some new makeup. Oh well, there's always next time.
The author is a well-known zombie fan who has helped thousands of humanoids to appreciate zombie humor and even find their own voice as a zombie. For more zombie fun and to see a hilarious, award-winning film short and tips on zombie costume ideas, visit the Zombie Costume Warehouse and make sure YOU are ready to be a good zombie this Halloween.

Source

Read More...

It Wasn't the Butler - Don't Tell!

DON'T tell, don't tell, don't tell. An urgent voice (perhaps the butler) forbids me whenever I want to write about favourite villains. You see, all my best-loved baddies are in whodunits. Describing them would spoil everything for some reader who is midway through the book.
Okay, so the fiends remain incognito, but there is no barrier to mentioning location, or what one might term 'the butchers block'. The place of the grisly doing can be as compelling as the doer. The locale sells books also. While romance may waft a reader to Venice, Paris or Rome, the whodunit lurks in more innocent places. Often, a peaceful scenario contrasts dramatically with the dastardly bloodletting, a formula begun by Agatha Christie and still widely popular.
American writers seem to ignore this element of the chiller. They do most of their killings in the city where, let's face it, most real murders actually occur. It is a handy marketing device, too, because readers drool over tales disrupting their familiar daily pattern, and there are more readers in cities than anywhere else. A notable exception to the city crime scene is Jonathon King. He prefers the primeval Everglades (Blue Edge of Midnight series).
The English like their mayhem in a friendly village where, in the words of Ann Morven, "evil will out, no matter the why or the what or the when or the where. Or the who." Sherlock Holmes said something similar when investigating a big-house mystery: "Dear old homesteads always fill me with horror."
A nasty in the placid village of Maggots Wallop comes close to ending Ann Morven's bumbling sleuth (The Killing of Hamlet). But all's well that ends well, as Shakespeare would say. Yes, the Bard's in this whodunit too, but being 400 years dead removes him from suspicion. How about a creepy old castle? Instant suspense! Ann Morven's butler is a sinister cliche in The Seventh Petal, set in the Scottish Highlands. The secret baddy couldn't possibly be him. Or could it? Don't tell, don't tell!
A Sussex market town accommodates Ruth Rendell's detective, Inspector Wexford. Sharing this preference for the rural scene are Anthea Fraser and Gerald Hammond, but the other Fraser, Antonia, places crime-buster Jemima Shore in London.
Historical locations boast a big following. There's no end to the appeal of the ancients, whether in Egypt, Rome or Greece and, of course, in the British Isles or particular parts of the realm. The historical research introduces intriguing detail and often an unusual motive for murder. A few authors in this specialist genre whose names leap to mind: Paul Doherty, Ellis Peters, Robert Gulik, Bernard Knigtht, Edward Marston, Kate Kingsbury, Christian Jacq, Alanna Knight... there are so many! The best listing I could find is at Gaslight Books.
Perhaps a crime fiction coup, serving both marketing and place appeal, is the gentrified world of Jane Austen as borrowed by author PD James. Death Comes to Pemberley revisits Darcy and Elizabeth six years after their marriage. And whodunit? Don't tell, don't tell!
Going by the above authors, and twisting the well-known real estate boast, I'd reckon that location is only almost everything. The villain beats all, yet remains in the shadows. Don't tell.
Happy reading! from Cathy.
by Cathy Macleod at Booktaste
Cathy Macleod is an independent literary critic whose weekly Booktaste blog brings news, views and reviews. Her url is http://www.booktaste.com/
Source

Read More...

Top 10 Overused Expressions

Since I like to write, the value of a well chosen word or phrase is not lost on me. But lately I have noticed some common phrases that once sounded fresh and interesting have become tired and annoying from overuse. Therefore before the year 2011 comes to an end I am officially releasing my list of:TOP TEN EXPRESSIONS THAT SHOULD CLOSE THEIR EYES ON THIS WORLD FOREVER
Number Ten
Ask-Question-Make-Assumed-Statement
I have never understood this type of crystal ball questioning. The query assumes an affirmative answer. Personally, there have been many times I really DO NOT want whatever is being offered to me. "You want Land Mines? We got Land Mines!" or "You want to swim with Candiru? Oh, I'll show you Candiru!" and "You want Ebola? I'll give you Ebola!" (substitute with AIDS, Bubonic Plague, or Meningitis as needed). If you ask me a question at least give me a five second grace period so I can say no and run like, like...well, run as fast as I can.
Number Nine
"Just let it marinate for awhile"
I suppose we should blame Will Smith for this one. While holding down a large, sweaty and hyperventilating Kevin James in the movie Hitch, Will Smith used this phrase to encourage a moment of reflection. But truthfully, he's the only one who is suave enough to use this expression and get away with it. More than likely Will Smith never says this in real life. He's too busy saying things like,"I ain't heard no fat lady!" and "Tha's what I'm talkin' 'bout." Letting something marinate should once again be relegated to soaking a piece of chicken in lemon, oil and garlic.
Number Eight
"We need to marry these two ideas"
This first time I heard this I thought it as an interesting way to think about bringing two opposing or different thoughts together. But the more I thought about it, the more I found issues with this particular idea. Any good marriage does have its share of compromising, but there are also some things that just do not lend themselves to flexibility. In addition, I have seen many married couples that do everything BUT compromise---for the most part living nearly separate lives. Given the fact that nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce, I am not sure the idea of marrying two ideas is a good one.
Number Seven
"Oh I went there"
This is one of those phrases that started on Jerry Springer and quickly spread in use to Soccer Moms all over America. They use it when they need to explain the use of obscenities toward the referee who removed little Johnny for roughness. "Sherri, I can't believe you actually said that." To which a now-transformed-Mrs. Cleaver snaps her fingers, bobs her head back and forth and says, "Oh, I WENT there!" I have no clue where she just went, but I beseech her, beg her and implore her to stop going there and above all desist from mimicking the idiots she spends all afternoon watching on TV. (To find out where she went, see Number Five)
Number Six
"Oh no he di nt!"
Note the lack of apostrophe after the letter d. This reflects the correct pronunciation and abbreviation of the words, "Oh no he did not." This is an alternate response a Soccer Mom could use in the aforementioned situation. For instance if she doesn't quite feel brave enough to actually go there but still wanted to show proper indignation at the incorrect call on little Johnny. Oh no he di nt must be accompanied by the mandatory head bob in addition to waving the index finger back and forth.
Number Five
"She was there for me" and "Been there done that"
Both of these are very similar because they refer to a "there" that is undefined. Being "there" for someone seems to be a colossal sign of support. No matter that this requires absolutely nothing from the person who is doing the "there-ing." For example: Phone rings---"I can't believe it! He just broke up with me! What am I going to do?" To which her bosom friend answers, "Don't worry girl, I'm there for you." This is huge. Being there for someone relieves you of any further responsibility. To complicate this matter further, a person who is there for someone, can also become tired of being so supportive and exclaim, "I'm tired a' all that! I was there for her but I just can't do that no more. Been there done that!" So the relationship between the "there" in the two statements are somehow interconnected. It sounds like the people who were there for someone and those who have been there and done that and even those who went there have all been living in the very same place---The Land of There.
Number Four
"Think out of the Box"
This saying surfaced as a result of an argument in a UPS shipping hub during the pre Christmas rush. There were three UPS workers feverishly working to pack and ship the allotment of packages for the day. One of the workers came upon a set of skis that needed to be sent across country, and became frustrated because there was no box big enough to fit.
"How am I gonna get these skis in a box?"
How 'bout cutting two boxes and puttin'em together?"
"You crazy? That'll never work."
"How 'bout putting them in this box here and whatever doesn't fit, we can just wrap in bubble wrap?"
"No, man! Think outa the box! Think outa the box!"
DING! And the saying was born. It was good for awhile and even pithy. It also assumes the user has the ability to think inside the box, which is often not the case. But it quickly lost its charm from overuse. To remedy this situation, we should just get rid of all of the boxes. How shall we eat the Chinese food? Think out of the box. Where can I find something to blow my nose with? Think out of the box. Where will the department store put all the shoes? Think out of the box.
Number Three
"What's he bringing to the table/party?"
I am positive I personally started this, but I was actually talking about food when I said it. I often go to parties that feature a potluck dinner. I'm always amazed at the direct correlation between those that eat the most and those that bring a chipped salad plate containing a few thin slices of a shiny cheese and a sleeve of saltines to share with a group of about 30. This usually prompts me to elbow a friend and whisper, "Hey! What did he bring to the party?" On one occasion the guest who had brought the pathetic cheesefood and crackers, overheard me and started using my remark to rate the unworthiness of potential dates, lazy colleagues, batty aunts and slick deal makers. Since gaining popularity, this question is usually asked by the person who is the least qualified or talented and therefore employs this expression in order to camouflage their own failures.
Number Two
"Let's make sure everyone is on the same page"
This annoys me on just the pure principle of forming an analogy to an object that most people don't even touch-given that one in four Americans have read NO books in the past year. The idea of an actual page is foreign to most people since they spend most of their time in mindless time-wasters like texting, facebook, video games, or watching the latest screaming match between snooki and whoever she fights with on that silly show (and no, I don't think she deserves a capital s for her fake name). Besides, a book is a hallowed object and I take great offense in using any part of it to relate to people who are too obtuse to understand the value of the printed page. Why not change this expression to "Let's make sure we are all on the same web-page?" I could live with that.
And Number One?
"Wait for it..."
Argh! Why should I wait for it? Not only do I have to listen to what is most likely a boring story, (because if it was interesting I wouldn't need to be told to wait for it, I would be doing just that) but now you want me to wait while you take a pregnant and dramatic pause. This leads me to believe what is going to follow is going to shake the world from its axis or at the very least I will be treated to the equivalent of the next I have a Dream speech. But no, it's some horribly trivial story of how first grader Kelly is, wait for it...an honor student! or how cute the baby looks when he spits up, wait for it...organic carrots! If you must use this weary expression then at least use it before saying something life changing as in, "No thanks I don't need a wedding favor instead, wait for it...I'm going to have to take your kidney" or anything at all to do with PETA and then, wait for it..."The world is ending."
Using original expressions and words to voice emotions is quickly becoming a lost art. I think my 92 year old father said it best. We were chatting about the woeful lack of variety in common everyday speech and the inability of people to express themselves. He summed it up nicely, "They're trapped--either in the bedroom or the bathroom."

View the original article here

Read More...

Mobile Manners!

Mankind has found some meaning for itself in this endless universe by acquiring an existentially potent entity called the mobiles or cell phones. The 'mobile' partnership has become so crucial that it's time enough to try defining some 'manners' that should essentially be an integral part.All of you may of course love your mobiles with varying degrees of emotion leading to the oft observed phenomenon of obsession. So, this partnership is potentially fraught with grave dangers particularly since your mobile cannot reflect its emotions in equal measure. You must measure up its emotions so that you do not land up in situations that embarrass you and harass others. Based on that, mobile manners must be evolved. But, the partnership dangers must be spelled out first.
Shrieking: You are in the midst of an important meeting and suddenly your mobile starts shrieking and screeching. While you are right in calling this noise a ring tone you paid for others are equally right in calling it disturbance. Suddenness of the moment makes you paralyzed and you watch your partner go on full throttle helplessly.
Indiscriminate: You may be attending a classical music concert or even a movie where you did not think it proper to follow the specific instructions of the organizers thanks to the strategic importance of your partnership. Suddenly your partner bursts out and you truly deserve all those angry disconcerted looks you instantly get. Even if you followed the 'silent' instructions you wanted to record some part of the proceedings too and you inadvertently hit upon a sound file that rudely opened up and made you hopelessly unable to do anything about it. You became the cream of attention with even the theater attendants running towards you to help you out.
Intemperate: You are in an august gathering or let us take the example of an elderly lady attending a funeral or discussions about holding a meet in honor of the deceased. A crackle of a baby's laughter breaks out-unimaginable and unstoppable. To her horror the elderly lady discovers that it's her mobile only. The august audience looks aghast. The elderly lady may grin foolishly and put the blame on her grandchildren for tampering with her partner, but the damage is done.
These few illustrative cases are from the point of view of your partner. Good mobile manners here imply your absolute control and supervision on your partner.
Now, let us examine a few cases from your point of view.
Howling: You may be standing or sitting next to any individual or groups in any kind of public place and you suddenly start howling to your partner forgetting that you are not making a long distance call from a dilapidated land line set. You are likely to get instant stares looks and gesticulations.
Lovemaking: If you indulge in caressing fondling and kissing acts with your partner in public domain you instantly offend the other holy partnerships. You become an object of ridicule and anger.
Infidelity: Even after being immensely satisfied with your partnership you may demonstrate suspect attention on other partnerships. Without being solicited you take over someone's partner and start fiddling with it. When someone asks for your expert advice on a complex issue of his/her partnership you may do much more than what is asked for. The obvious result is disgust or your friend turning into an enemy.
In these few cases you are the supreme commander and you can evolve your good mobile manners pretty quickly.
Have a flourishing partnership!
Chinmay Chakravarty is a professional specialized in the creative field with over two decades of experience in journalistic writing, media co-ordination, film script writing, film dubbing, film & video making, management of international film festivals and editing of books & journals. Proficient in providing professional services in these related fields. Presently working in Mumbai Doordarshan as a News Editor.
http://ours-funarena.blogspot.com/
http://www.linkedin.com/in/createnwrite

View the original article here

Read More...