A Wall Street Tribute to Katy Perry's Song TGIF - Last Friday Night

Not long ago, I was on a road trip and it was late at night in the middle of nowhere, 200 miles from anywhere, or at least any city whose name you'd recognize, and it was 2 AM in the morning on a Weekend. That song by Katy Perry kept coming on the radio. I guess people kept requesting it, you know the one: "Last Friday Night!"

Anyway for some reason this silly song got stuck in my head, you know how songs do that. If you don't know the song, go to YouTube and watch the video so you understand what I am talking about.

So, I got to thinking about the whole idea of the song; "next Friday night, we are going to do it all again," and then considered Billy Joel's song "We Didn't Start the Fire" and then I thought, maybe I should put some lyrics about Wall Street to the Katy Perry Song, who knows maybe I'll do a viral video of it once I am completed. Below are some lyrics I came up with - see what you think of it?

Last Week's Stock Market

Should Have Bought American Fund
Should Have Known the Market Would Run

Europe's Derivative Tax Declared
How Could Anyone Have Dared

It's Like No Body Cared

God Help My 201 (k)
Statement Came in the Mail Today

Have Them Piled Up In the Den
Seems I can Never Win!

Bernie Madoff's Ponzi Scheme
What Does It All Mean?

Chorus - Last Week's Market - Next Week We Are Going to Do It All Again

Nuclear Weapons in Iran
Huge Earthquake in Japan

Arab Spring is in the Air
Stock Prices Do Not Care

Oil Prices Out of Hand
Gaddafi Buried in the Sand

Stock Markets in the Tank
Let's Blame the Ben Bern Naank

Gold Blasting Up Oh My
Cramer Says to Sell, No Buy
No, Sell, Sell, Sell

Oh Hell!

Chorus - Last Week's Market - Next Week We Are Going to Do It All Again

Greece Crisis Can't Be Saved
Mass Rioters Won't Behave

Naked Traders in the Dark
Wall Street'ers Occupying Park

MF Can't Find the Cash
Had a High Frequency Crash

Eurozone too Big to Fail
Nothing Left to Bail

Obama Promises More Jobs
Banking Dealing with Frank-Dobbs

Chorus - Last Week's Market - Next Week We Are Going to Do It All Again

Oh, Last Week - Next Week We Are Going to Do It All Again

Lance Winslow has launched a new provocative series of eBooks on Future Concepts. Lance Winslow is a retired Founder of a Nationwide Franchise Chain, and now runs the Online Think Tank; http://www.worldthinktank.net/

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How to Get the Most Out of Housework and Make It Fun

There will surely be a fairly high percentage of people who will endure a feeling of discomfort, displeasure or even pain at the mere whisper of the word "housework". It would be fair to say that most of us consider housework something we would rather put off, get someone else to do or just not even think about it. Having said this I am sure all will agree, it is simply something that has to be done at some time or another. And that's why this article could prove not just an interesting read but hopefully an insightful or even inspiring one as here we look at ways to make what is widely classed as a chore into something that can actually be something that is enjoyable. Maybe we can even turn it into an action or "To Do" we could look forward to? Ok, let's not push it!!

The first trick that comes to mind is playing music. We all have our favourite artists and preferred genres so whether it's rock and roll style or techno house music that gets your feet moving, put it on, turn it up and get into the grove. This can of course be played over the house system if there is one at hand, a PC or laptop or even an mp3 player. If you happen to be outside in the garden for instance there is of course the good old walk man with headphones but of course only when it's safe to do so!

The second brain wave is to grab yourself a hands free phone device. Again as with any of the ideas here, be sure its safe to do so whilst you are in action. Having the hands free with you while you are getting on with the housework can be a little gem of an idea because it's a way of getting those important phone calls done that you did not get around to doing. You could even have a chin wag with your best friend. Hey, they may even be doing the same thing their end too? It's probably a good idea to make sure you have sufficient phone credit cover with this trick though huh!

The third and final idea is an altogether cheeky one but can bring a smile to anyone's face. Hiring the help of naked butlers! Now let's get one thing straight, just because they may be called a naked butler does no way mean they are completely naked! It is widely known that these hunks wear an apron and the not to mention a bow tie of course! Now this can certainly be a super enjoyable way of getting all those ghastly chores done by someone else while you are free to put your feet up, grab your favourite chocolate bar or cup of whatever you love and enjoy the view.

Hopefully there may be at least one thing here that can turn something that may be viewed as a painful chore into a pleasurable experience. Maybe you will have some ideas of your own to share?

Milly Sapphire, Proud mum and wife. Disco queen, chocolate lover and shopping queen.

Naked butlers
Naked butler

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Is There Room in British Culture for Bizarro Fiction?

I was already writing what I eventually became to recognise as 'Bizarro Fiction' before I had even realised that there was a name, nay - an actual bona-fide literary genre for what I was creating. At the time of writing however "literature's equivalent to the cult section of the video store" is a largely American phenomenon. The term was adopted by Oregon based publishing house Eraserhead Press in 2005, and the movement has since grown to include a number of independent writers and even a yearly 'Bizarro Con' held over in the US. So, as a London based writer with really no connections to the Pacific Northwest- is there room in British culture for the genre of the weird?

So what is Bizarro?

'Bizarro Fiction' is basically a form of storytelling that is knowingly absurd, surreal and mixes humour with elements of pop-culture and satire. According to Rose O'Keefe of Eraserhead Press: "Basically if an audience enjoys a book or film primarily because of its weirdness, then it is Bizarro." Arguably the largest ingredient to Bizarro however, is a heady dose of humour and satire. It's not weirdness for weirdness sake; it's weirdness to entertain, and it seems to me that there is enormous potential for Bizarro Fiction here in the UK. Our unique 'Britishness', combined with a dry, ironic and often black sense of humour is absolute feeding ground for the Bizarro writer. Comedy acts such as the Monty Python gang and even the modern League of Gentlemen have created a British tradition for black, satirical humour, so why shouldn't this extend to literature?

Yes- perhaps Bizarro is not the most neatly crafted of fiction and it's not surprising that the majority of Bizarro Authors tend to self-publish and self-publicise their own work. I imagined approaching a British literary agent for example, who would probably grimace and twirl his/her handlebar moustache before ushering me quickly away- towards the nearest mental asylum. At the moment, Bizarro lingers somewhere on the periphery of the literary world; lying in wait until the world is ready for its particular brand of kooky, intelligent silliness. Brit magazine Dazed & Confused commented that "The bastard sons of William Burroughs and Dr. Seuss, the underground lit cult of the Bizarros are picking up where the cyberpunks left off." The literary world may not be ready, but the world better be ready, as just as Chick Lit tapped into the subconscious desires of easy-reading women Bizarro Fiction has the potential to tap into the irreverent whimsy of the bustling Indie market.

It's weird, it's wonderful, and you better be ready for it Britain, because really- you've harboured it all along.

Alexandra Kulup's first collection of short stories entitled Guffaw! is available to purchase on Amazon Kindle:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Guffaw-Anthology-Bizarro-Fiction-ebook/dp/B0067BDSD2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322001120&sr=8-1

Please also see Alexandra's website for more information:

http://www.bizarrofiction.co.uk/

Or follow on twitter @misskulup @bizarro_fiction

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Asking for Help Could Save You From Your Underwear

Asking for help is contrary to our culture and our modern society. As a woman, I can struggle with pride and the whispering voices telling me "I must be self-sufficient". Imagine my horror as I found myself hopelessly tangled in my own underwear.

There I was standing alone in the bathroom. My dominant arm neatly bound in a cast and locked at a right angle. I had successfully completed the complicated effort of showering and I now tackled the new skill of getting dressed one-handed. I had facilitated this "season" of healing by investing in tank tops with built-in bras, since I refused to ask anyone for help fastening my traditional undergarments.

This was a brilliant solution to living without my very dominant right arm. Or so I thought.
I managed to get said tank top over my bad arm and slipped my head through the neck opening.
Honestly I don't know what went wrong.

In the blink of an eye my top had come to life and captured my only good arm- trapping me helplessly in my own "solution" to maintaining independence.

I hollered for help from my husband (who made matters worse by finding my predicament not only amusing, but irresistible as well).

In less than a minute I was freed from my own shirt and as angry as a disturbed wasps nest. My husband smiled, told me he loved me and wisely left me to relish the fruit of my efforts to maintain my self-sufficiency. Stupid me.

Lesson learned: it's best to see myself as I really am. Right now, I am temporarily disabled, yet surrounded by a family who is more than willing to help me through this time. The truth is that it takes humility to ask for and accept assistance. But considering the humiliating alternative, I will be much quicker to let others come alongside.

Life is funny. One day we walk around in full health and strength. Without warning we can find ourselves on our backs, stuck in bed, or bound by a sling. We can choose to go it alone and wind up like me- mummy wrapped and trapped by our own underwear. Or, we can recognize we are not perfect and ask for and accept help when necessary.

Learn from my mistake. Ask for help. Smile when it comes. Look for opportunities to assist others. And for Petes sake don't try to put on an athletic style shirt unless you have use of both hands!

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Humorous Speakers - The End Of The World Is At Hand, Maybe!

Well, maybe the end is near...and maybe it ain't. Fact is, nobody really knows. Surely not me. And I don't believe anybody else does either. I don't believe we're supposed to know.

Why, ever since Bible days, folks have been declaring that the last days are at hand. Didn't the Apostle Paul believe that he was living in the last days?

Seems like every time there's a major event somewhere in the world, fanatical folks start bellowing and squawking about he end of the world. They say it's prophecy. It's in The Bible.

You just let a volcano erupt some place and start spewing fire and brimstone...or a new comet appear off in the distant sky...and see what happens. It brings out the nut cases like buzzards to a road kill. Yes sir.

Now, I don't mean to cast doubt on what The Scriptures say. Not me. No sir. Who am I to go challenging stuff that was written thousands of years ago? After all, I weren't around in those days. If I was, I don't remember it.

I just try to keep my nose clean and worry about what's going on in my own life today. I get down on m knees and pray every morning for the Good Lord to help me make it through another one. I ask for His help. And I ask Him to put me in touch with somebody I can help. I try to leave my mark, in a positive way, on everybody I come in contact with.

I try not to complain, whine, bellyache, moan, groan, or sing the blues. I do my best to maintain a positive mental attitude at all times. I try to be honest in everything I do. I try to treat folks the way I want to be treated. I don't blame other folks for my own problems or setbacks.

I try to always give more than what I'm paid for. I thank folks for a job well done. I don't look to get something for nothing. I don't mind paying a fair price for the goods and services I receive.

I try to never lie, cheat or sass old folks (unless it's absolutely necessary).

What I'm trying to say is this: We really should live each and every day as if it actually is the last one...even thought it probably ain't!

Get FREE ACCESS to more Milton Crabapple humor at http://www.MiltonCrabapple.com. Book Milton to speak at your next banquet, convention or luncheon!

Get FREE ACCESS to more Milton Crabapple humor at http://www.miltoncrabapple.com/. One of America's funniest humorous speakers. Book Milton to speak at your next banquet, convention or luncheon!

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Funny Jokes And Humor Are One Of The Free Perks Of Life!

Humor is one of the things that makes the human race great. Jokes can cheer up the depressed, break the tension between people, can mend relationships and help dry tears. No matter who a person is talking to what kind of personality a person has, there will always be a way to make a person crack a smile. It is said that laughter is the best medicine, and that is one of the truest quotes ever recorded.

Finding jokes and remembering funny sayings are ways that a person can use humor to do a great number of things. While not everyone is able to throw out quick-witted remarks, anyone can remember simple jokes and sayings that can lighten the mood in a situation. Jokes, from one liners to fifteen minute stories, can be used to reach out to a variety of people. Sometimes a person can feel like they are in the dumps, their chips are down, and nothing will cheer them up. Sometimes all another person needs to do is throw a cheeky joke or comment in their general direction and a small miracle occurs. The person having a horrible day can start to lighten up a bit, and if they are receptive enough, a joke can turn a horrible day into a great day.

Where can a person go to find jokes or funny sayings? Well, a multitude of places. The best way to pass down jokes are through friends. An advantage of this is that usually, if a friend tells another friend a joke, that person can be pretty assured that the joke will go over well. Friends often have similar personality types, so this can go over well. In addition, people can find jokes and funny sayings in books sold online and in bookstores. Joke books are usually full of great and funny jokes, and if a joke had made it to a book, one can be assured it has run its course and has been tested over and over again. Lastly, the internet is a great resource for finding jokes. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of websites devoted to humor.

Making someone laugh can make someone's day. It's always in a person's best interest to have a few jokes in their repertoire. One never knows when a quick-witted comment can break the ice or cheer someone up who's been having an absolutely horrible day.

To get your fix of funny jokes online please visit this link!

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How to Make Good Funny Jokes

Writers are always advised, "Avoid Cliches". But cliches prove to be a highly desired and one of the most successful strategies in writing comedies. Cliches are quite often potential sources from where humour is derived. Some popular cliches can be directly made as captions accompanying cartoons. One can define a cliche as a predictable popular expression that has lost its freshness on account of overuse. Cliches are rampant in daily conversations amidst common people. Therefore it is very easy to understand them and relate them to various situations in life.

Element of suspense is a vital and the most important stimulant of laughter in the arena of comedy. Humorists make use of cliche to lead the listeners through what is familiar and predictable to something that is unexpected and surprising. This ends up creating a heap of laughter. There are some good examples to understand the use of cliche in jokes.

Word play is one of the most popularly established strategies for comedies. Cartoon strips, sketches, stand-ups and TV sit-coms very extensively make use of word-play technique. In fact, there are some words which are inherently funny. For instance, just the saying of words like "geezer", "fart" or "hippopotamus" can evoke a spurt of laughter.

Yet another type of comic effect can be created by mispelling, misunderstanding or mispronouncing words. In such techniques, the laughter is created by double meanings and the double entendre. In this way, manipulating words is a powerful technique in comedy writing. During many instances, words conjure up images that look funny and result in creating a good joke.

Humour can be crafted from various cliche tools including oxymorons, puns, similes, metaphors, bromides, jargons, aphorisms and malaprops in addition to some of the famous tiles of movies, songs and novels.

There is yet another popular word play technique in creating jokes known as taking the literal meaning of a figure of speech. This can also be called as the simple truth or the plain truth. For example, "call-me-a-taxi" joke is quite popular. Often we find children funny since they speak the truth and end up creating pure innocent humour.

Pun is one another type of cliché that can rather bring about a lower form of wit. Several humorists keep this technique on top of their list. Pun is easily understood and on account of its popular usage and wide association. Puns can give rise to lots of funny ideas. Therefore, unlike writers, humorists never look down upon clichés and make use of them innovatively and extensively to achieve humour.

Kevin Mary Anderson is a reputed writer about jokes and humor. His articles on Rajnikanth Jokes are famous among readers.

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